i often talk about my faith, not my religion. faith is something that’s personal and real and powerful, but religion is only the letter and not the spirit, in my books. so when there are questions about my faith, i sometimes simplify it this way: there are the pillars of faith (truth and doctrines), and there are the expressions of faith. the first are immovable and unchangeable, but the latter may vary from person to person.
because my faith is a reasoned faith, i am wary of people who assume that it is all about magical mumbo-jumbo sprinkled with some cursory references to the Holy Scriptures. i am wary of making my faith sound like that, because it certainly isn’t. that doesn’t mean that my God is not able or willing to perform miracles — His Word is full of His miracles — but that does mean that it is His prerogative to work miracles, and that He has given us a sure way of knowing Him: His Word and His world.
but even as i find the balance between standing firm on my faith, sharing it, and not sounding like a fanatic, i guess i sometimes lean on the wrong side. when yy went home for just a day on saturday, she spared no effort in telling our grandparents about the love of Jesus. (does this make you cringe already?) in whatever teochew she could manage, she told them about heaven, and how much we wished they would one day be there. when she told me this i was so envious of her courage, of her straightforwardness and determination to speak of the Lord. all the time there were so many things running through my head: my parents who may not understand where she’s coming from, my grandparents’ bad hearing, the problems in the family that they often talk about, the difficulty in helping them understand…and so i was quiet.
yet the fact is that there is no time. i’ve had too many “practical considerations” that have kept me silent for a long time. have i tried? yes. when i first understood the gospel at my first conference, i feared for my grandfather, because time was the shortest for him. since then, God has given him and me extra years, and i’ve made many desperate prayers. opportunities have arisen: talking about adam and eve and creation, listening to the Bible read in teochew, sharing about the Hos’ faith, explaining about church, visits from teachers jo and pat, mdm chow and pastor mitch, having aunty go and talk to them and pray with them. there were times i made specific prayers about having a chance to talk to them again, and i did.
so this time, it was putting into practice loving to the end, because i have no right to give up. there seemed to be no sign of space for me to try and tell them anything, because grandpa was hardly awake and lucid enough, he couldn’t see, he can’t hear clearly, he can’t tell night from day. there are too many unresolved issues that disturb him and grandma and mummy, and there are so many complications that i won’t even know where to begin talking about.
i thought about pastor, and remembering that he was on a missions trip in india, i suddenly understood a little better how hard it must be on the missions field; i suddenly caught a glimmer of what pastor meant when he shared about the difficulties in bringing the gospel to india, how it is for a culture to be resistant to the gospel.
but it is also in such impossible situations, that the certainty of my faith comes in. it is when it seems impossible, that i have to exercise faith in the God i say i believe in, and learn to stretch my soul, to see what it really means to ask, believing, and act on my faith. it is when it looks like there is no space for me to start sharing about Jesus, that i know what it means to say there is power in the name of Jesus, and all who call upon Him will be heard. just as the Word itself has a power that we cannot fully comprehend, but which benefits we reap, so the name of Jesus also has a power beyond what any logic or reasoning can contain.
so whether or not my grandparents understand what heaven is, whether or not they think it’s a charity hospital where people get well for free, whether or not they understand what it means for Jesus to love us, today we three held hands, and in my halting teochew we called upon the name of Jesus, as we thanked our heavenly Father for taking care of us, and asked Him to help grandpa not fear, not hurt, and not be worried; that He will help my grandparents believe, that they will know Jesus, that when the time comes He may gather us in heaven and let us be with Him.
in the name of Jesus, amen.
