i remember the nights of desperate prayer, crying out to God. because i love, because it matters to me, because i care, because it hurts me too, please God please.

but what if i’ve stopped caring? what if i love less? what if it doesn’t matter so much to me anymore, what if i’ve learnt to hold back?

then please Lord, because You still love, because You still care, because it still matters to You, because it hurts You…please please. keep him safe and bring him home.

because he’s Yours, because he needs You, because You want him with You. You and him, Lord, i’m only praying.

Where else have we to go?

 

“Whom have i in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that i desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”

-Psalm 73:25-26

panic attack!

i don’t want to leave NUS. this week we’ve been talking a little more about how next week is the very last week of school, and it’s so surreal.

yes, it is very surreal. i can’t imagine not waiting for cors to start, not bidding, not planning my timetable, not buying books before the crowd at co-op, not being excited about what classes i’m gonna take and who i’m gonna see and what i’m gonna do. i can’t imagine not having another lit class, and not being an undergrad anymore. it just occurred to me that my life really properly began (in some ways) when i came into uni. so what am i gonna do now that i’m leaving?

i can’t even tell what /who i’m gonna miss most. oh dear.

 

addendum: “is it not part of the seasons of life too?” (11.4.08)

greatly blessed

The Only Thing Good In Me – Michael English

I heard someone say the other day
They’d seen in me true love displayed
Blessed by something I had done for them
No sooner did they speak those words
I found myself somehow disturbed
Uneasy as I took their compliment
‘Cause I know the heart inside this man
I know the truth of who I am

The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus
The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus
I’ve lived long enough to know
No matter what this life may show
The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus

If you could walk the hallways of my heart
And see things as they really are
I wonder if you might be surprised
Seeing faded walls of pride and fear
Rooms I’ve filled with faithless tears
And corners where I’ve stood in compromise
But you’d see the work His grace has done
You’d know just how far I’ve come

The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus
The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus
I’ve lived long enough to know
No matter what this life may show
The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus

In a thousand years
When the dust of this world clears
And I look back on my life
And see in perfect light

The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus
The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus
I’ve lived long enough to know
No matter what this life may show
The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus